Welcome to Bush Week, ladies and gentlemen, kind of like Orientation Week revisited, except everyone knows each other now, and we still have to go to lectures. Centre-stage feature of this event at college: Murder.

For those (un)fortunate enough never to have experienced this amusing pursuit, it goes a little something like this: You get a slip of paper with the floor, year, degree and eye colour of your victim. In order to 'kill' them, you have to get them alone (without any other college residents) and say, "You're dead". You can't kill someone through glass or in the toilet. And, of course, while you're trying to get someone alone, someone else is trying to get you alone.

It all makes for the most amusing behavioural gymnastics, manic chases, and elaborate stake-outs. I don't play any more, just sit back, watch and stoke other people's paranoia. Oh, and act as official bodyguard for those who don't trust their friends any more. Oh yes, paranoia is alive and well and living in Burgmann College.