I wish I'd come up with this, but I didn't. The following is from an email that is the latest volley in the "Random thoughts" competition I'm having with H^m. (Want to know the rules for a random thoughts competition? Make them up yourselves...)

If someone is trying to sell you house cladding over the phone, "complete with free measure and quote!" I wonder how they would react if you said one of the following:

a) "Can I clad my dog house?"

b) "Sorry, my house is made of beer bottles held together with sixpack rings"

c) "Cladding huh!?, Does the free measure and quote include an intimate visit from an attractive male/female?"

d) "I TOLD YOU THAT IT WAS OVER BETWEEN US! STOP CALLING ME YOU PSYCHOPATH!"

e) "I am Satan, your pitiful cladding is no match for the heat in hell! You will be in eternal damnation for your sheer stupidity!"

This was in response to my return of serve that included the gem (well, I thought so anyway) of:

What would the McDonalds chick say if you answered her question: "Would you like fries with that?" with: "Oh my god, yes I would! Are you psychic?"