H^m: I talk to more than my computer. I talk to the telephone as well. And even, occasionally, a fax.
Me: I've been known to talk to vacuum cleaners. Usually while kicking them.

H^m: Hey, don't hurt my friends!
Me: Oh, you wouldn't be friends with these vacuum cleaners. They're bad.

H^m: They come from the wrong side of convo, huh?
Me: Yep. And they hang out with rogue irons and those Birko kettles we're not allowed to use.

H^m: Ew. Irons.
Me: Told you they weren't your sort of appliance.