One of the most pressing reasons to leave college is the toaster.

If I moved out, I wouldn't have to share the toaster with fuckwits who speed it up to do their stupid bloody fruit toast with careless disregard for the toast of others, which comes out going: "What a pleasant sun tan I have!"

If I moved out, I wouldn't have to worry that some git had turned the actual temperature down, when it's practically carved in stone that Thou Shalt Not Touch The Heat Dials. Another incident of happy-white toast. Bah!

If I moved out, I wouldn't be stuck with unexplained incidents of toaster malfunction, such as the conveyor going clank, or the top heater not working at all.

And what's more, if I moved out, I wouldn't have to stand around the toaster waiting for my abused toast to be spat out while trying to avoid conversations with all the aforementioned fuckwits and trying to suppress the urge to stab them with my butter knife.