I think the word I'm looking for is FUCK.

It's time to hand in my work for novel class, and I have three shiny, polished chapters.

Or rather, I have two and a half. Because I know I thoroughly reworked the end of chapter three following feedback from the class, but it's not there. It's the old chapter three, staring at me.

I don't understand. I don't fucking understand. How is this fucking possible?? I remember so vividly working so fucking hard on it and getting it all just fucking perfect but I don't remember vividly enough to redo it and fuck.