It's like everything's conspiring to make me think about Jesus. I am not a Christian, though I was raised as one. Sometimes I wonder if I am too equipped with spiritual knowledge to reliably fake atheism.

Some fellow with a name like a Bond villain (Saramago?) once wrote a Nobel-Prize-winning novel about Christ. My novel teacher has been blathering about it. He recommends it. The novel "humanises" the figure. Makes him more everyman. Makes him a victim of forces, helpless. He has an affair with Magdalene (so it's really, y'know, innovative). He doesn't know how he does the things he does.

The very idea makes my hackles rise. The actual execution of the concept makes me growl. It seems to take everything that is actually interesting, Christian or beautifully magical about the Jesus figure, and wrench it asunder. Drag it all down to a mundane mud-scratching level. I guess I see the point. But I don't see that there is anything in this "new version" remotely as interesting or imaginative as the original. And given that, what is the point of insulting, demeaning, degrading, de-valuing the religion of millions? It seems like cheap, shoddy, sell-out showmanship.

And I feel like some sort of conservative knee-jerk curmudgeon. huh?

The second element of the conspiracy is, obviously, the baptism of the Godthing which took place this weekend just concluded in Goulburn. Keynote participation in Christian ritual like that will obviously require careful soul-searching and line-walking by a little syncretist like I. Though I had difficulty with being asked if I "turned to Christ", I have no trouble at all with swearing to raise the child to abhor evil (actually, it was phrased "to fight evil", which makes me think i'm supposed to train the child to be a caped crusader) and shine divine light. I'm good with that.

Taking communion was also something of a twinge, but the minister (who was the child's grandfather as well) fixed me with a stern eye and said: "Those who embrace the Lord take communion." So I scuttled up to that bench and partook.

It's not like I disbelieve. It's hard to explain. I tried, when the minister inquired after my "religious history". On paper, I sound like a filthy lapsed Protestant. I find I cannot put into words the way in which I live with faith without sounding challenging or evangelical. Since both run counter to my faith, I shut up, and let people see what they will.

They will anyway, after all.