Adventures in my workplace:

Boss: Can you print this out?
Me: Only if you attach it...
Boss: Cheeky bugger!

Me: This is going to be a big book, by the way.
Boss: How big?
Me: Well, 360 pages so far and I'm just halfway.
Boss: Fuck!
Me: They're wordy fuckers.
Boss: At C format?
Me: ...C format?
Boss: Yeah, that changed when I saw them on the weekend. Sorry, has this fucked everything up?
Me: No, I just need to... tweak*.

* tweak vb to alter absolutely everything