Sometimes I think life would be better if it wasn't a full-time occupation. If it was a computer game. If I could hit 'Save game' and then 'Quit' and go away into the void for a while and come back later when I was ready to play again.

Sleep should be like that. It should be remembered as a void where we're free of everything that goes with living. The sheer effort of it. Of thinking about it all day long. But it's not. One moment you're falling asleep, thinking about the things you should have done today but didn't, and then the alarm's going off and you're waking up and thinking about all the things you should do today but probably aren't going to.

I need a break. Not a holiday. Not a rest. Not a trip to some dinky little holiday house somewhere where I still have to live. I need a break from life. I need a save-game button. Or at least a pause button.

But I'm not getting one. So I'd better get on with it.