"It's the mascara," J^e decided, as we shooed away yet another goth-nite random pick-up attempt. This one had been more subtle. Instead of just plonking himself down at our table and proceeding with variations on: "So what's your name, then?", this guy had been conducting a clever campaign of small manoeuvres. The smile across the room. The catching the eye. The dance-floor shuffle. The passing comment. And, finally, the coming over and asking for a light.

It was shortly after this latest, most direct assault was deflected that J^e decided her eye make-up was to blame. Apparently, it made her look stupid, and stupid people, as we all know, are easy. This was, she concluded, the only possible reason that every single goth night - the only time she wore mascara that thick - some random tried to pick her up.

I considered pointing out that she usually looks especially gorgeous - and busty - when gothing, but didn't.

On commenting that tonight's Mr Random had waited until J² and K^r left to approach, J^e noted that: J² keeps the bad men away. I'm sure he will be delighted to know he is of service.

Also decided: the best response to: "Do you have a light?" is "If I give you one, will you go away?"