My top five reasons why I will never be chosen for a reality TV show:

1: I swear too much for primetime.
2: I'm an anti-social, sarcastic bitch who doesn't care about other people, and not in that warm, fuzzy, inclusive way.
3: Sometimes the most interesting thing I do all day is make coffee.
4: I don't drink tea. (This is more important than you think.)
5: When someone mentions "a Brazilian", I think they're talking about a football player.