The Village was not actually as mediocre as Jono would have had me believe it was going to be. (Like the fancy tense footwork in that sentence?)

I mean, I'm not entirely sure Joaquin Phoenix, much as I adore the man and worship the celluloid he appears on, wasn't too old to convincingly play that role, and some of the "let's explain it to the stupid (and the Americans) who might not have figured it out yet" annoyed me a little. And don't even get us started on "the Bad Jam".

But it was a tidy little movie, brilliantly shown if not precisely flawless in its underlying logic, deliciously atmospheric and acceptably conceptualised. Worth a watch, though not particularly rewarding for Joaquin Phoenix groupies.

There was also a preview beforehand for National Treasure, a sort of tacky Indiana-Jones-cashes-in-on-Dan-Brown, starring Nicolas Cage. I squealed "Illuminati!" gleefully a few times, as they made with the Templar and dollar-bill stuff, but ye gods, what a horrific sight the movie looked.

And then - and then - Sean Bean appeared on screen. Bringing a touch of class, as always. But just a touch. Not even him at his ragged best can save that movie. Especially when, I mean, think about it. Bean versus Nic Cage? It's all over bar the amusing part where Bean dangles the American nancyboy by his ankles off something very high saying, "Who's your daddy?"