(Beware: self-absorbed ranting ahead.)

Annoyed. Annoyed, annoyed, annoyed. Pissed off that I feel bad for being angry for putting up with other people's shit.

God, I am so PMSing. Not that this invalidates my reaction or anything. Because I have had it up to here with this sort of crap and anyone else would have started getting narked a lot sooner than me.

Dee is a placid creature. Dee is laid back. Dee is relaxed. Dee does not cry, scream or bitch at random. This is not any great feat of willpower on my part, I'm just like that. Things don't annoy me like they do other people. They don't get to me.

Except sometimes.

In patches and drabs I feel fragile, and I want to be looked after. Amazingly, recently, this seems to correspond with the only times when it cannot be the case, and in every other instance, the attention just irritates me. It passes in seconds, and I am me again.

I don't hate it. I mildly wish it didn't happen. But it does, and it is me, and I can deal with it because I am me.

And it's times like this I wish I wasn't always the strong, reasonable, calm one.

Because it let's people get fucking used to taking advantage of me. Well, you can all just fuck off. Just for a little while. Oh, wouldn't that be lovely? Set up the barricades, no one allowed past. Except the Male, and J^e, because they are no burden on me, they are no tax on my resources, they are only support and strength.

(Thanks guys.)

But it can't happen. I can't shut everyone out. So I'll just shut out the annoying ones. The ones that take too much and give too little. Just until I can handle dealing with them again.

(One final note before I end this epic: Funny how all of these 'them' I'm talking about shutting out are female. Once again proving to me why I hang out with guys more than I do with girls. Every male of my acquaintance is (at least towards me) more considerate, more... friendly.)

Fuck. Fuck 'em all. I can't be fucking bothered caring tonight.