What do you do when you walk into a bar, look at the mass of seething humanity, and think: "I have nothing in common with these people. I'm not even sure we breathe the same air."

What do you do?

You walk out. You flutter butterfly social skills and you make your pretty smiles and you get the fuck out of there as soon as you can and you walk home feeling like shit.

Thing I like about Melbourne, #whatever-I'm-up-to: You can walk through the city on the verge of tears and there's no one to tip you over the edge.

I had an absolute attack of the anti-social tonight. It was all good, I was singing as I went along the streets, heading for the drinks to celebrate the Male (and his associates) being sworn in as a solicitor. I was running late, and the place had changed, and he met me, he was worried, he hadn't been able to get in contact because I'd been online. Not a good start, but I don't think it was a contributing factor.

I just couldn't stay there. It was full of young lawyer types, in their groups, drinking their drinks, chatting their chat, and I was so aware of my inadequacies. I wasn't in their world. I didn't know them at all. I can't do fucking small talk to save my life. I am the Queen Anti-Social Bitch, and I really felt it. And the first chance I got, I ran.

I feel so bad because I left him there, even though he said it was fine. I couldn't be there for/with him. I couldn't fit in.

I don't understand what happened tonight. I don't want to be one of them, just another suit with another cloned life, I don't, not for anything.

But sometimes... Fuck it, sometimes it just seems like it would be so much easier.


I was going to talk about my weekend. It was great. I saw three movies, I slept in, and then my Male got sworn in this morning and I was so damn happy and proud of him. I was going to talk about all that. I was fucking joyous.

But you got this instead. Sorry.