As a foreigner from the north, there's something I just have to ask any native Victorians who might be reading this:

What is with the football songs?

I mean... am I supposed to laugh that hard? No one else was. Some people were singing along. With the 1940s masculine gusto and excellent diction and cheesy lyrics. And then they played the Essendon one about four times on Saturday because the team won, and I watched people gesturing along as they sang: "See the bombers fly up - up! - to win the premiership flag."

I'm sorry. I can't take this seriously. I'd like to go back to a code of football where the only acceptable team song is: "You're going home in a fucking ambulance!" Or maybe the elegant heights of: "Here we go". With the optional second verse: "There we went."

It doesn't help that the Male insists on trotting around the house smirking and singing: "It's a grand old ham, it's a high-flying ham..."