Dear Peter Beattie,

I understand that being Premier of Queensland for so long, and especially at the moment, is really not a happy-inducing sort of job, but do you really have to look that grumpy? It's not like you were always smiles and lollipops, but I must say, during my recent week-long holiday back in the homeland, I saw you on TV, and you looked grumpy. And what's more, you looked like someone who'd been in the habit of looking grumpy for quite a while now. It was ingrained. It was carved into your face. It looked, frankly, like you were about to pitch a fit any moment.

Amusing as that would be from a political leader, I don't think it would actually improve the situation. So, from my recent observations, here's some things about Queensland that I think might cheer you up.

1. That whole island/beach/Great Barrier Reef thing y'all got going on up there. It really is great. Even in winter. OK, the water was still a teensy bit cold, even for a pseudo-Victorian as I have apparently become - and I'd like to add that Anfy was a much bigger wimp about the getting wet thing than I was - but hey, we were only on Great Keppel Island, which isn't that far north, so I shouldn't really cast aspersions. And it was still entirely pleasant, what with the sand and the beautiful clear water, and the kayaking and the lounging by the pool. Also, I learned how to play table tennis properly, but I imagine as an experienced politician, you probably know how to do that already. There's archery, though. That's fun.

2. My mother's mince pies. I appreciate that you might not have had a chance to try them, Mr Beattie, seeing as I haven't seen you at one of our family Christmas gatherings. But take my word for it, they're truly happy-making. Especially when, as happened this trip, she makes a whole new batch just for me. Seeing as she'd gone to all that trouble, and we were only there for two days, I think I was justified in eating five in one day, right? (And if you agree with me, can you let my father know, because he's still calling me "greedy guts" and I think it's a little unfair.)

3. My cousin's garage. Have you seen it? I'm not sure how often you get up to north Rockhampton, but he's really done great things with it. He's turned it into a bar. And I don't mean one of those poncy home cocktail bars. I mean he's got a bar, with a cash register, and real bar fridges, and advertising paraphenalia on the walls. Not to mention a payphone (connected, but not taking coins), a pool table, a TV playing Keno results (recorded) and two more playing music film clips (much better selection than your average pub too!). It's truly impressive, if I do say so myself. (Before you rush up there to arrest him or anything, he's not actually operating as a bar. It's all appearances.)

Lookit that. Three big things! And I was only up there for a week! Honestly, Peter, I'm sure you can do much better if you just try. Think happy thoughts!

Regards and fairy dust,
- Dee

PS: If you're really finding it hard to shake the grumps, as a last resort you could always try kids. No, not eating them. While I must admit that they're not things that make me particularly "happy", per se, they're good for a laugh, right? Especially that misbehaving twin on Keppel who got sent "to the Naughty Corner". Best part of that was when her sister asked where she'd gone, and was told, "You don't want to know; it's not a very nice place!"