Oh thank God. I didn't think that was ever going to go through. How's that for dedication? I kept my computer on all night while this Error 103 thing got sorted out just so I could post that monstrosity of a post below there. Of course, it might have had more to do with me not wanting to type it all out again.

I'm back. Hi kids.

Damn, I've been a bad little Dee. Well, I have a very good excuse. It's called 'O-week'. Or maybe you've heard of it as 'Fresher's Week'. Whatever you call it, I'm sure anyone who's attended a college or university knows what I'm talking about. A week of madness and mayhem, liberally spiked with alcohol. Lots of alcohol. Or maybe that's just Australia, because by the time we get to uni, we can all drink, which we naturally proceed to do. To excess.

The week looked a bit like this. Only a bit, mind you, because I was mostly intoxicated too...

Monday: 'Tutor Crawl'. All the tutors (like me) host little parties in their room, with beer and wine and stuff. The first year students flit from room to room like the little innocents they are and meet, greet and imbibe. The idea is to meet all the tutors, and find out who is tutoring in your subjects. The reality is that all the first years get blotto. This is the reality of a lot of things. Tutor crawl was always my favourite night, and now I got to be on the other side. Good fun. Seeing as H (my fellow tutor) and I decorated the floor with a James Bond theme, we figured we needed suitable accompaniment, and gave out vodka martinis to the first years. Reactions varied from horrified retching to complaints of them being too weak. Can't say I liked them myself, but the effect was great.

Tuesday: Hawaiian Night. First of all, events kick off with a floor party. At this, we teach the first years the primary skill they will need to get through their years at Burgmann - Boat Races. For the uninitiated, this innocuous little phrase refers to a competition whereby the participants line up in two lines facing each other. Drinks in front of them. There is a referee behind each line of people. One counts down: "Ready, steady, Go!" and then the mayhem begins. The first person must drink (scull) their drink as quickly as possible (pouring acceptable, spillage expected, see the Pratchett definition of 'quaff' to truly understand the concept). Once they are finished, they tip the cup upside down over their head (thereby discouraging cheating by leaving some in the cup) and the ref taps the next person on the head, and then they must begin. It's a sort of drinking relay. Hey look, it's even got a Webtender's drinking games entry, but I like my description better. Anyway, we were suitably impressed to see that when we did a first years vs. later years race, the first years nearly beat us. And we had the winning team on the interfloors last year. So obviously, we've got some good sculling talent. Go 3B.

That was just the beginning of the night, however. The rest of it degenerated into a bar night of the usual variety, with much drinking, dancing, sleazing and such providing lots of juicy gossip for the next morning's breakfast. For whoever actually managed to make it there.

Wednesday: TOGA! Yes, of Animal House fame. In fact, every year at dinner before Toga, they show us the clip from that movie. The one where they decide to have a toga party. It bewilders the first years. And then they have what is commonly called the 'Toga Strip'. Where six strapping young folks (guys and girls) step forward, strip down to swimmers, and show everyone how to don their togas properly. It's educational. And amusing, which is more important.

Another floor party, another tradition. This one is the limbo competition. You know the rules; how low can you go. This year J² and I tied for first (he won last year) at an impressive height. Don't know how much, but it looked good to me. There was lots more drinking, and then we all went downstairs for another of those bar night things. Toga is the biggest night of the year for lots of reasons, but mainly because it's held outside, and all the other colleges (and a whole heap of randoms) crash it. It was a monstrous turnout. It got incredibly rowdy. As usual, it was officially supposed to end at 3am, but that's always just a proviso, because we usually get a complaint from across the lake before that happens. A good time was had by all.

Thursday: Event over at the university that I decided not to go to so I could have a day off. We went to see Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon again and had dinner at a nice place. We felt very cultured.

Friday: International Night. Seeing K^r with those long blonde plaits and a tight T-shirt saying "Foxxy 69" (she was a Swiss Miss) might just have been the highlight of the year. Floor party tonight was taken up with a drinking game called I never (look, that Webtender's a handy thing, wot?). Premise: You make a true statement about something you've never done. Anyone who has done it, drinks. Now, that Webtender link says that you probably won't get drunk, and it's only for close friends. NONSENSE! We had a room full of people, and most of us got quite drunk. And the most amusing 'I never'? That would have to go to the person who said: "I've never spiked someone's pizza with wacky weed." Which effectively solved the great mystery of who caused J² such problems last year, as the prime candidate (already blotto) stepped forward and drank deep. Game over, enter another bar night.

Saturday: Retro. Bring out that funky gear and go for it. Tonight's floor party delight: Twister. Oh yeah. Good fun was had by all. The night was a little slow, probably due to the fact that everyone was dead tired, triple-hungover and really really not up to it. Still, fun gossip was accumulated, and there was a delightful set by our favourite DJ as she played 'Killing in the Name' and the 'Du Hast' back to back. Packed out the dance floor. Yeah, baby!

Sunday: Sleep. Big time.

So that's my week . Hope yours was good too. And now it's back to university, and I promise to be a better little blogger from now on. There will also be updates to both my 'mud' and 'fanfic' sections as soon as I get my FTP working again.

Past few days: training for being a college tutor (or RA as I think they're commonly called). First Aid - that was fun. No mouth-to-mouth unless strictly necessary, and I will check your breathing first, boys. Teaching techniques - informative and useful. Taught me how to write a better essay, that's for sure. Counselling - bloody boring. But at the same time, potentially useful. After that, I almost faint from lack of blood sugar. Stunning turnaround with the advent of dinner.

And that's it. Long days, short nights, lots of work and not enough sleep. Plans for decorating the floor. It will be a bonding experience.

You think I did what? Now, I'm caught somewhere between anger at this slight of my reputation, and a faint thrill of 'I wish'. Yeah, I admit it, James Hetfield does it for me. Just a little. The boyish chuckle I've mentioned before at the end of '- Human'. A growly tendency. And, of course, the lead-singer thing. It's much like leading a cult. Krisma, buckets of it (2 points). The same reason Till Lindemann does it for me. A performer. It's a good aphrodisiac.

Hey, morons! If you're looking for vicious dog pictures it might be a good idea to realise that vicious has another 'i' in it. Of course, if you're looking for that sort of thing, you're probably too moronic to realise that you're spelling it wrong.

(Meanwhile, you people who want to eviscerate an ewok are just plain sick. I can't think of anything less appetising than a pile of ewok guts. And it would take weeks to get the stains off the carpet.)

Anyone else I should be bagging out here? Just to complete the rounds? Oh yeah, I don't have any picture of naked swimmers - Hackett or Thorpe - so look somewhere else for your vicarious thrills. I still think that one's Shauny, though. ;-)

Hooray for band-wagonage. I know everyone is just dying to see what sort of random poetry this page can generate. Click the link to see some, or just read the one below which is what it generated for me.

the vein. We near
by the first beat
of a hour in the world according
to
be dragged bodily from the
streets of
secret documents they do our train. once again, is
a experience.An
interesting gimp
set it working
while Je picks up early
tomorrow and sex shops. It continues with red
lazer sight and two is officially the
mosh pit because you Suck
by
banks of my roots
bright scarlet.

I'm quite impressed. A strong start, I think, but it trails off a little towards the end. I'm going to play with this for a while, I think.

Woohoo! This is officially the placed to come if you're looking for fucked up shit. Because you know, that's what I specialise in, man.

Quote: "The wedgie is in the arse of the beholder." ~ A

Random giggle of the day:
"How do you tip a cow?"

"10% off the top, 15 if it's good service."

Notes:

1. Prudish mainstream audiences don't fully appreciate the giggling experience that is Preaching to the Perverted. Don't try, you'll just wind up with people thinking you're some sort of demented weirdo. And we can't let the truth get out like that.
   
2. My archives appeared to be feeling demented again. I plan to ignore them and see if they will go away.
   
3. Americans who tip are cool. Americans who whinge are not. Americans who eat all the eggs at breakfast before 8:30 are really not. Remember this for future reference.
   
4. And WTF is with Red Bull and Vodka? I mean, honestly!
   
5. That Google search box is disappearing. But I made the $15 aim. Thanks to everyone who helped me. (I'd also like to thank the Academy...)
   
6. The Goth night last week went off in a serious fashion. We took a dozen or so extras with us, and the organisers were very happy. The music was great, including one memorable ditty called "You Suck" by someone called Consolidated. It had a very catchy tune, but once we started listening to the lyrics, we couldn't stop giggling. The song is about... well, cunnilingus. It's frank, funny and very, very sassy. If Salt 'n' Pepa had half the attitude this group does, they'd still have five times as much as they do now.

I have black hair now. Permanently black hair. This may seem a sudden shock, but it is the first stage of a hair-do plan that I have been considering for some six months now. I'm a little alarmed that I decided to take the plunge in twelve hours flat, but these things happen.

Step three involves dying my roots bright scarlet. Step two is currently in progress, and involves growing aforementioned roots. I won't give you a daily update. Aren't I nice?

Shauny, you know you can get pulled up by the RSPCA for treating prawns like that? Don't play with your food! :-)